Resolutions

New Year! New resolutions to live by! I'm hoping to achieve all these goals by the end of this year! Hwaiting, Caro! You can do it!

• Lose weight and eat more healthily

I have really bad eating habits, and in 2011, this has made me gain weight. So, I'm hoping to adopt a more healthy diet, consisting of lots of greens and fruits which will hopefully help me in losing those extra kilos.

• Drink more water

The last time I had a medical examination, they told me that I needed to drink more water. We're supposed to drink 2L of water per day, right? I wonder if anyone's able to do that. I only drink about 500 ml of water per day, and the rest of the liquid I ingurgitate is usually coffee. But yeah, I've decided to drink more water. Bought myself a new bottle and my goal is to drink at least 1L per day and increase this amount as time goes by. Hopefully, by the end of the year, I'll be drinking the recommended  2L per day!

• Find a full time job in my field (or in any field)

I need one desperately. I love working in hospitality and it's still one of my dreams to open a restaurant, someday... But, I feel like I'm throwing my degree away by not finding a job in IT. I love computers. I love spending time programming stuff or designing websites, and according to my university results, I'm pretty good at it. I just need someone to give me a chance, and I also need not to give up after being rejected again and again. I've already prepared myself mentally, I know I'll be facing rejection after rejection, but yeah, I won't give up. I'm gonna find a job in IT this year, and I'm gonna rock at it. Hopefully... Or yeah, I'm gonna find a new job in hospitality. One which pays me enough for me to become fully independent. God, I'm leaving my fate in Your hands!

• Learn how to drive

I'm 22. I'll be turning 23 this year. But I still don't know how to drive. I started learning while I was still in my home country but I guess it was too much of a hassle back then. I now understand why my father was urging me to get my license! In this year and age, it's kind of a necessity to know how to drive/to own a car. So, I'll hopefully start taking driving lessons this year, but only after I find a full time job.

• Finish 'Assignment'

I started that fanfiction back in 2008 and I still haven't finished it, even though it's already complete in my head. I believe I still have readers wanting me to update. The fact is that I've lost my muse, but I feel so bad for leaving it unfinished. I know it will be hard to write with no inspiration, but I'm going to try. In fact, I've already started on the new chapter. Hopefully, by the end of this year, Assignment will be finally be marked as COMPLETE on ff.net.

• Stop overthinking, be more positive, worry less

I think this is the hardest goal to achieve on this list. I'm realistic, ok... more like bordering pessimistic, and I tend to always think about the worst possible scenarios. I'm trying to think positive thoughts, though. I'm trying to stop worrying over useless matters, to become more carefree. According to Rhonda Byrne, positive thinking is the secret after all, right? I don't really believe that, but... yeah, worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair; it gives you something to do but it never really gets you anywhere...I'm still trying to figure out how to go about his goal. I'm reading self-help books and trying to find focus more on the positives, but it's still really hard to just change my mindset.

Ok, that's a lot to tackle in one year. Wish me luck, whoever's reading this. I'll need it.

2011

The year is almost over. It's been quite a challenging twelve months, but for once, I'm not going to focus on the negative. There's been a whole lot of good happening in my life in 2011, so I'll list them instead:

• I've been able to see Go Radio and Yellowcard live

I've loved these bands since I was a teenager. Their songs have been with me in a very difficult time of my life, and seeing them perform live was one of the best things that have happened to me this year. I even got to talk to Ryan Key (got him to sign my Smartrider) and to take a picture with Jason Lancaster :) It's still all a bit surreal.

• Chlollie is endgame!

Smallville ended after 10 seasons. All my friends know that this TV show's one of my ultimate favourites. The last seasons were nevertheless VERY disappointing. The show destroyed what Clark Kent was supposed to represent. By the end, all he was for me was a giant douche who took all the merit of his friends, who were the real heroes. Anyway, while trying not to stop watching the show, I was shipping Chloe and Oliver (Green Arrow) real hard. Those two blondes were so badass and perfect for each other... And in spite of not being mythos, by the end, Smallville did one thing right. Chlollie ended up together and even had a child! Woohoo!

• I graduated from university

I wasn't too sure about including this in the list. I'm happy to be done with uni, but now I'm experiencing the woes of finding a job in my field. Anyway, I guess it's on the list because I managed to complete my whole academic life without ever failing once! woot, I guess.

• I turned my mother into a Kdrama addict and made my siblings appreciate kpop 

I'm actually quite proud of this! While I was back in Mauritius in August, I kinda forced my mother to watch Secret Garden with me. She loved it so much that she's watched it six times since then lol Then, we had a kdrama marathon when she came to visit me in Australia a few weeks ago. We watched Sungkyunkwan Scandal, Protect The Boss, City Hunter and The Greatest Love, most of which she really loved (she didn't really like the guy from Greatest Love). Making her share my kdrama obsession has kinda made us closer.... I wish we could have started watching dramas together way earlier... Hm, yeah, I also got my sister into kpop! She's now a fan of 2NE1 and of Big Bang, and my brother's got a JYJ song on his phone! Go me for spreading the hallyu wave among my family! :)

• Found back my faith

I actually never stopped believing... but in a way, I guess I was too self-centered and focused on my own problems to really open myself to God. I stopped going to Church a long time ago, and with everything going on in my life, I kinda just stopped talking to Him and recognising His presence in my life. But He's always there, you know. You just have to let Him in. That's what I did. I was bordering depression, thinking about how my life was meaningless and how I would probably be better off dead, when I started going back to Church, all thanks to an amazing friend. And then, everything got better for me. It's like He made me realise that even if I hadn't found it yet, I really had a purpose on this planet. He opened doors I believed were forever closed and gave me back hope. He made me realise that even if I'm often alone, I'm never lonely, because He's always here with me.

• I can stay in Australia!

One of the reasons I was really down this year was because of that stupid IELTS test we have to pass in order to be eligible for a visa allowing us to stay in Australia. I took that test 4 times, and each time, in spite of my awesome results - I got the higest score in 2 of the 4 components and got waaaay above average results in the rest - yeah, in spite of this, it was never enough for me to qualify for that visa cause they recently changed the law and made it super hard. Anyway, I got my visa thanks to my brother who sponsored me! It's not a permanent one, but I'll be able to apply for a permanent one after 2 years. So, I guess I just need a little patience. Bro, if you're reading this, I LOVE YOU! Thank you and I'll be forever grateful to you!! (sis, if you're reading this, don't be jealous, I LOVE YOU!)

• Big Bang won the EMA award against Britney Spears 

It's a bit silly to be happy about that, but they're my favourite Kpop band, and they've suffered a whole lot during 2011. Daesung's accident and GD's scandal made them go on hiatus for a long time and their fans (including myself) voted like crazy to make them appear as 5 in that show. And yeah, our votes didn't go to waste since we also made them win the award. It was so crazy and amazing to see them on that stage, as 5, a smile on Dae's face, accepting the award, and making a speech in Korean. Big Bang was BACK! :)

OK, that's all folks!! It's not much, but that was enough for me to be thankful for in 2011. I hope I have more stuff to be thankful for in 2012!!

Writer's Block

I haven't been able to write anything for quite a long time now. I think I know why I was suddenly hit by this terrible case of writer's block. Writing has always been a way for me to escape from reality, just like reading, listening to music, anime, video games, dramas and tv shows. I've always had a tendency of becoming overly attached and interested in stuff, so as not to really be concerned by the world around me. I kinda loved living lost in my own head and God knows I really needed the distraction, when I was younger... But I guess I finally realised that I'm an adult now, and I know I can't continue to live in that bubble forever. I have responsibilities, I can't continue to treat life as a picture. Time isn't stopping, money isn't growing on trees and I guess that by leaving me, my muses have kinda forced me to try and sort my life out.

This probably makes no sense. Blogging at 2AM is rarely a good idea.

Just another one of these days....

I've been feeling so hopeless and depressed lately... I don't even know why. It's like having a hollow feeling that nothing can fill. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. Praying isn't helping, neither is listening to songs which usually cheer me up (kpop and disney, why aren't you working your usual magic?). Even eating chocolate does nothing to lift my mood.

I hope this feeling passes. I want to be happy, and I want to feel like writing again. This whole depression thing is gnawing away at my recently rediscovered inspiration.

Real life stuff no one cares about...

I don't usually post anything too personal about myself, but I guess no one really reads what I write on here... so, why not?

I've been feeling kind of down lately. It's like I'm in some kind of emotional drought. I long to be more open, to have trust in people, to stop expecting to be disappointed.

The funny thing is that I was starting to get over my issues, when once again, I ended up being deceived by someone.

I'm starting to wonder whether the problem is on my side. Maybe I expect too much from them. Maybe I tend to see friendship when all they see is some kind of nice and naive girl they can -excuse the language- screw with. I don't know. I feel like I'm too young to be so cynical and bitter. But I can't help it.

I'm starting to believe that the only one I can really trust is God (well Him and my family). At least, I know they'll never give up on me.

Awesomeness!!

Look at my toe socks! Aren't they AWESOME?? Nah, seriously! I'd give them an eleven on the AWESOMENESS scale :P